21 posts tagged “links”

usually if you say happy April Fool's day to me or play any sort of insipid prank or, you know, enjoy this day at all, i maim you. but this is actually pretty freaking funny.

unfortunately, i haven't had time to watch anything good (last month's Knight Rider remake does NOT count as good). so instead of ranting and raving and cursing about movies, i will rant and rave and curse about comic books. in my quest to read all things Deadpool, i've gotten up to #11 in his series and almost choked to death laughing while i read it.

basically, Wade and Blind Al get thrown back in time because Doorman (from the Great Lakes Avengers) activates his teleporter at the same time Deadpool does, both of them trying to save Blind Al. DP and Al are sent to the early days of Spiderman (circa 1967) and have a grand ole time futzing with the space/time continuum. Wade uses his image inducer to pose as Peter and makes up Al to look like Aunt May after they knock her unconscious and he sends Spidey on a wild goose chase in Jersey. In the present, Weasel works with the GLA to get them both back. hilarity ensues.

it's hysterical how they poke fun at the GLA and all of the Spidey cast. here. look. at. the. funny. fergit that. i know i'm not supposed to do this, but there are just too many funny pages. here's the whole thing. knock yourselves out.

see how i like to pretend someone is reading this. ha ha hardy har.

when i read something and really really really love it, i cast it. i have done this for as long as i can remember. this is why i want to be a casting director. it makes sense dunnit.

so i finished reading Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere and after the initial depression that seeps in when i finish a good book wore off and even though i know there's already been a tv miniseries of it made, i've cast most of the major parts for my pretend movie. will these people ever play these parts? prolly not. but something in me feels better by saying i want them too, so, here you go. humor me.

Richard Mayhew played by Cillian Murphy

Door played by Ellen Page

The Marquis de Carabas played by Will Smith

Hunter played by Gina Torres

Mr. Croup played by Kenneth Branagh

Mr. Vandemar played by Javier Bardem

or Vincent Cassel

Old Bailey played by Ian Holm

The Angel Islington played by Jason Lewis

Jessica played by Mia Kirshner

Serpentine played by Famke Janssen

Gary played by Robert Pattinson

The Earl of Earl's Court played by John Rhys-Davies

The Abbott (Black Friars) played by Doug Bradley

Hammersmith played by James Gandolfini

Lamia played by Monica Bellucci

Anesthesia played by Kristin Bell

and i want to give this guy a part but i don't know who i want him to be...

also, am i a dork for thinking this is full of radness? --> http://www.flatlandthemovie.com/

wow. this is unbelievable: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byford_Dolphin

after waiting almost two years for it to be released, i finally watched Sunshine the other day and have decided that it is one of my favorite movies. i love that you don't know what sort of space movie it is until the very end and even then it's a combination. everyone does a fantastic job acting in this film, but Chris Evans is damn fantastic. the flicks only shortfall is that the beginning, with the introduction of the crew members, is a little confusing but it seemed to me to be an editing issue rather than an acting issue. i love that there was in depth scientific research done so this film would be as viable as possible (i mean...for a sci fi flick. they're going to the SUN. shut up.). i love that there's a point in which you realize what's inevitable. i love that there are several different types of characters and none of them are doing what they're doing for the obvious reasons. i love that the surprises of this flick are like, "WHOA." surprises. i love that it's subtle and strong and really, really beautiful. it was everything i had hoped it would be. if you get a chance, see this movie.

that's all.

i downloaded Caligula because i wanted to watch pr0n without the guilt of watching pr0n. i was so all about that last night. i have a total soft spot for Malcolm McDowell. but this flick, damn. i could only make it through 40 minutes of it before giving up and going to bed. there's nekkid butt-writhing all over the place, yeah, so i got my pr0n, but the acting is horrendous. i wanted Malcolm dead ten minutes in. i was all, "oh, KILL that whiny bastard, Tiberius. kill him dead." because, seriously, he was whiny. i understand that he is supposed to be Very Young but so was Tut and i don't remember anything about him being a fucking brat. that's all subjective. still, it was annoying.

eventually i will muster the canastas and the time to watch the rest of it and hopefully it will get better further in. father in. um. whatever. later on in the movie. there.

i just had a bidding war on ebay for some fucking moon sand.

i'm going to crawl under my desk and take a nap but first i have to spin around in my chair a little bit.

wheeeeee

ok.

head. ache.

this was me like ten seconds ago.

how come people don't remember that anthony perkins was HAWT?

i feel like i'm made of dead.

all right. i admit it. i laughed. but still. why, god? why?---> http://www.alltrailers.net/meet-the-spartans.html

i have to pee. you needed to know that. ok. bye.

been noticing a new trend with celebrities commercials. that's not so much a new thing, i mean, celebs and advertising go together like ice cream and cake but it's the low level of pretentiousness that's coming with these commercials that i think is new. who doesn't dig those Mac commercials with Justin Long? Michael Jordan, Kevin Bacon, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Joe Montana, Brett Favre all doing undies and jeans commercials and they just act like *who they are*. i like that there's no public persona in those commercials. it's just them. i like the voice over work a lot of really big name actors are doing. Julia Roberts for AOL. Queen Latifah for Pizza Hut. Matt Dillon for Pontiac. Gary Sinise for Cadillac. Christian Slater does commercials and narrates tv shows for Discovery and History channels. Gene Hackman for Lowe's. Keifer Sutherland for Verizon. Julianna Margolis for Pampers. etc. etc. i like that you don't see them and for a lot of those actors, you wouldn't even know it was them unless you were an uber movie freak like me. VO work isn't new to advertising either, but like i said, these stars aren't making a big deal out of it, they aren't The Voice Of... anything. and i dig that.

i watched House of 9 last night on Showtime Beyond, which is my new favorite channel because the flicks they show are odd, indie, and cool. it was a pretty good movie. not a great freaking OMG GO WATCH THAT movie like...uh... some movie i can't think of right now because i'm too busy laughing at the comments thread on IMDB about Nekromantik. but a good movie with pretty damn cool twist ending that i didn't see coming until *right* before it happened. Dennis Hopper's accent was horrible though. *punts him*

my home computer went into a coma this morning. it's vitals are stabilized but the outlook is pretty grim. last week, we agreed to have a 250gb external hard drive put in but it hasn't helped it's ailing health much. poor ol' Compy.

there's something wrong with me for thinking these are hysterically funny.

the other night i watched this flick. holy shiz what a weird ass movie. thing is, i totally loved it. if you have showtime, keep an eye out for it cuz i'm sure it will be on again (that is the way of cable). it's subtitled but that doesn't matter because the actors emote really well. by the end of the film there's so much intensity and electricity between them that it oozes off the screen at you. i totally didn't see where this movie was going either. i mean, i had an idea of how the characters would end up but the film went waaaaay beyond that. it was rad. those of you who can, should totally netflix it.

i'm down to actively reading one book. finished harry potter. finished everything's eventual. finished bag of bones. still reading fragile things. trying to read fools but for some reason i just can't get into it. i think maybe i don't like getting 100 pages into a book and still not be able to understand what the hell is going on. the writing's good, the characters are good. i just don't like that perpetual state of, "...what?" that i have when i'm reading it.

i think after fragile things i'll go back and read the first 6 hp's or splurge and get another gaiman book. hm. i also have two or three SK novels i've either not read or haven't finished that i could grab up.

this is all very boring.

these

are

funny.

and so is this.

and this is cute.

and this kid should grow up to be a super villian. he's got the laugh down pat.

i should be doing something other than what i'm doing, which is a bunch of nothing. once again i woke up on time and said fuck all and went back to sleep for another hour thus making myself about 15 minutes late for work. ask me if i care. please. ask me. the only thing i come here for is to get paid and tell my staff to do the shit i don't wanna. this is a stupid waste of time job in a boring ass field and never in a million prillion years did i think i'd find myself shirking duties to people under me. middle management is Teh Debil.

there's this one attorney here. i want to sharpen something with his eyeball. i have hypoglycemia, fucktard. i get cold. if you make fun of my heater again i'm going to introduce it to your sphincter.

i'm supposed to go to Access database training today from 1-2:30 but i think imma skip it because i'd rather read SK's Bag of Bones. btw, the UK version of Deathly Hallows is full of typos and suckishness. not UK typos like 'colour' or 'behaviour' or 'travelling' because those aren't typos, damn it, but things like, "The hallway was large, dimly light," and "they were drawn upward to the strangest feature of the scenes an apparently unconscious human figure hanging upside down over the table,". fuck harry potter. i'm all about stephen king. fuck harry potter until thursday. when i have the US edition, that is. 

we watched Arthur and the Invisibles yesterday with the kids and it actually was kind of a cool movie. i really love Freddy Highmore anyways, since the James And The Giant Peach days, ... wait wait. no, that was paul terry. nevermind. maybe i'm thinking of Finding Neverland? he was in that, right? shit. IT DOESN'T MATTER. i like his messed up teeth and he has just about the greatest british accent since Christian Bale fauxed one for Empire of the Sun (ilovethatmoviewithmouth). 

ANYWAY. it was good. mia farrow's in it and like always, she reminds you why she is the most lovable of lovables and that Woody Allen is a pedocretin. how she does this by just saying her lines is beyond me; it surpassed modern understanding. just accept it.

the Minimoys are voiced by an all star cast: Robert DeNiro, Harvey Keitel, Jimmy Fallon, Chaz Palminteri, Emilio Estevez and *dun dun dunnnnnnnn* Madonna, whose presence, i figured, would have shit-caked the whole thing and outright doomed this movie to the Film Graveyard. but she's good in it. yeah, i said it. she's good. maybe that skanktress should stick to the voice acting rather than showcasing her less than stellar, quite-possibly-more-wooden-than-Ben-Affleck talents on the screen. everybody wins.

then we started to watch Alice in Wonderland but i was more than slightly offended by the stereotypical irish gardeners. who'da thunk an irishman could do a horrible impersonation of an irish accent? not me, that's who. what's worse is that the one guy who did an okay job of it, was italian. but damn if tina marjorino didn't grow up nice.

that's all the bitchery i can spew for now. i'm going to go smoke until my head explodes.

so. Mimzy. mimzy mimzy mimzy.

i can't say that it was a bad movie because it wasn't. the things that happen in the movie are very cool. the graphics are cool. the story itself is cool albeit a little preachy. it has a high creep out factor for a movie that was marketed toward kids. in fact, at the end of the movie Lexi threw herself on my lap and started to cry that she missed grammie. the little girl in it is just a smidge too cutesy. the little boy needs a spanking. the parents were realistic. the government was not. the teacher and his fiancee were a nice touch but some explanation of their part was needed. the rabbit and the toys were rad.

it felt like a kid version of Donnie Darko. you know how Darko is disturbing but beautiful? it's like that only, it's like the director didn't want the whole movie to feel like that so he infused it with cutesy kid-talk and close ups of that little girl's cupid bow mouth.

and it drags. this flick has the pace of cold molasses down a slight hill. you feel every damn minute of it. but like i said, it wasn't bad. i didn't like it as much as i wanted to (and i really, really wanted to) but i probably wouldn't have paid money to own it. it's a good cable flick for a rainy weekend or a one you DVR from a movie channel to let the kids watch while you fold laundry or something. 

on a side note; neil gaiman's Stardust will be coming out this year and the cast of that flick is suprahella impressive. i'm talking deNiro, clare danes, ian mckellan, michelle pfeiffer, rupert everett, sienna miller, peter o'toole, ricky gervais, mark williams (he plays arthur weasley in the HP movies). 

damn. i was trying to read up on stardust but i got sidetracked by zac efron because his face has been bugging me for weeks. i've been walking around mumbling, "where do i know that kid from, goddamn it!" (he played young Simon on Firefly), "why do you haunt me, you little disney-whoring shit!" i finally figured out that his face reminds me of Caleb (who is not, incidentally, a disney-whoring shit).