2 posts tagged “kids”
my brother and his wife just adopted a baby girl. she's beautiful and tiny and her head smells really good. i'm amazed that something so small and delicate can live. i'm more amazed that everyone in the world was that small and delicate.
i like kids. they're cute and their little brains know no boundaries. creativity is second nature to them. which means they're fun and weird. i'm in constant contact with four of these little creative weirdos. we play Spiderman meets Barbie, Crusher of the Bratz Lego Village on Cybertron. Spiderman's newest weapon is the wide-toothed comb which he uses to bash Barbie upside the head and torso. Barbie can fly and she has Bionicle sidekicks that shoot marbles into Spidey's crotch. all of this happens outside the crunched blue/yellow/green/red Lego village which houses the Bratz princesses of yore. they're trapped in there, you see. Barbie, evil bitch that she is, holds them captive because she's jealous of their fame. Optimus Prime and Soundwave guard the prison with watchful glowing eyes. And then the 50 ft. baby attacks and kills us all. fun, fun stuff.
despite the amusement kids provide, and the random hugs and stuff cuz those are good too, i don't want any. i am very much of the variety of "wheeee! you're fun. have some chocolate. now go home." i have heard the coo of 40 year old women, "you'd make such a good father." um, no, i wouldn't. because not only would i eventually forget to feed the kid something other than chocolate, i would get bored with it and make it do my laundry. you can only play for so long. the washing will always need to be done.
but, having held my beautiful new niece, i realized WHY people want them in the first place. babies have absolutely no inhibitions. they vomit all over you. they giggle and then fart on you. they shit as much as they breathe. they scream when they want something and then love you when you give it to them. there are no head games with a baby. they love you automatically because you made them, because you keep them warm and rub on their fat little cheeks, because you clean up their vomit and shit and let them vomit and shit on you again, because you giggle when they giggle and fart, because they grow up and have babies of their own.
