Posts (page 2)
i'm down to actively reading one book. finished harry potter. finished everything's eventual. finished bag of bones. still reading fragile things. trying to read fools
but for some reason i just can't get into it. i think maybe i don't
like getting 100 pages into a book and still not be able to understand
what the hell is going on. the writing's good, the characters are good.
i just don't like that perpetual state of, "...what?" that i have when i'm
reading it. 
i think after fragile things i'll go back and read the first 6 hp's or splurge and get another gaiman book. hm. i also have two or three SK novels i've either not read or haven't finished that i could grab up.
this is all very boring.
yesterday was the last day without my sister and her family in the house so i had the whole evening to myself. i was all about doing all this laundry and moving rooms around and dishes and shit. you know what i did? i ate and watched 3 movies and read more HP. nothing got done. i fibbed to my mom about the phone running out of battery so i wouldn't have to spend the entire night listening to her whine about my brother. and then i watched Howl's Moving Castle cuz i heart that movie. and then i watched Match Point cuz i heart Scarlett Johansson. and then i watched Snakes On A Plane.
eh? what? oh. you noticed the lack of heart there. that's because i would have probably gone postal if i'd wasted any amount of money to see that rank ass flick. i'm lucky in that i have friends with really horrible taste and nothing worthwhile to spend their money on. they let me borrow it. to thank them for sharing the horror that is this film and it's putrid acting, i'd like to slip a scorpion into the box when i give it back because you can't tell me they didn't know how bad this movie was when they handed it to me. sonsabichess. and, who the FUCK are those little twats singing the Snakes On A Plane Uberghey Theme Song? who. are. they. i want them dead. William Wallace style. i had hoped that this film followed the soundtrack rule: sucky song = good movie. if it had, the academy would have rolled over and died at how motherfucking wonderful this film was. i think the film industry has caught on and done a switcheroo on us all.
film exec: because this movie eats rusty dick, let's go a step further, shall we? let's be innovative. let's make the whole entire film suck like Ron Jeremy on a titty! we'll gather together a handful of wanna be rockers and make them sing this! whaddya say?
producers: excellent! i'm riiiich, biiiiitch!
one smart intern: can't we just have them ghost ride the whip? it would suck so much less.
this band. these people. what the hell were they thinking? cobra starship? no. that white girl looks like she's probably pushing 40. when she sings i get the impression she's about 4 seconds away from breaking down into a slobbery, mascara-running crying fit. i love when she bends over and tries to do a sexy hip swing and her pelvis catches. it looks like it hurt. she deserves it.
the lead singer schmooze reminds me of Pink from The Wall. that's not a good thing, either. why is this guy wearing a trendy scarf AND a dirty grey sweat shirt circa 1982? i don't even have anything witty to say about this guy. take a shower. you can't sing. shut your mouth.
sadly, the femme guy can sing but he's so ridiculously cheesy that watching him do it is kinda painful. the more i look at this video the more i wonder if that IS a guy...
i dreamed that i punched the zitted black guy in the throat last night. why is he there? oh yes. because it wouldn't suck nearly as much without him.
shame on you, Sam L., for even pretending you wanted to be in this hershey squirt of a video.
now, i do realize that these are people from semi-well known bands. it just so happens that i hate all of those bands. so fuck. them. and fuck. their. song. and fuck. that. movie.
it probably wouldn't have been so bad if i hadn't watched it right after Match Point. good movies make the crap ones ...more ...crappier. i was surpised by Match Point because it's a Woody Allen flick. he's not my favorite director. in fact, on a list of 100 directors Woody Allen would be #48,584,378,373. i dislike him and his "icky old man gets to shag a beautiful but obscenely young girl" type of movies. this is not one of those movies. this flick is about luck. it has depth and it's beautifully shot and wonderfully directed and expertly written. i think Allen's taking notes from Sophia Coppola. it has a very Lost in Translation feel to it. that's good. that's real good. i give a lengthy applause to the dirty pervert.
that's all the ranting i have time for right now. hold your breath til i come back. cuz i will. with something equally as lame.
i should be doing something other than what i'm doing,
which is a bunch of nothing. once again i woke up on time and said fuck
all and went back to sleep for another hour thus making myself about 15
minutes late for work. ask me if i care. please. ask me. the only thing
i come here for is to get paid and tell my staff to do the shit i don't
wanna. this is a stupid waste of time job in a boring ass field and
never in a million prillion years did i think i'd find myself shirking
duties to people under me. middle management is Teh Debil.
there's this one attorney here. i want to sharpen something with his eyeball. i have hypoglycemia, fucktard. i get cold. if you make fun of my heater again i'm going to introduce it to your sphincter.
i'm supposed
to go to Access database training today from 1-2:30 but i think imma
skip it because i'd rather read SK's Bag of Bones. btw, the UK version
of Deathly Hallows is full of typos and suckishness. not UK typos like
'colour' or 'behaviour' or 'travelling' because those aren't typos,
damn it, but things like, "The
hallway was large, dimly light," and "they were drawn upward to the
strangest feature of the scenes an apparently unconscious human figure hanging
upside down over the table,". fuck harry potter. i'm all about stephen
king. fuck harry potter until thursday. when i have the US edition,
that is.
we watched Arthur and the Invisibles yesterday with the kids and it actually was kind of a cool movie. i really love Freddy Highmore anyways, since the James And The Giant Peach days, ... wait wait. no, that was paul terry. nevermind. maybe i'm thinking of Finding Neverland? he was in that, right? shit. IT DOESN'T MATTER. i like his messed up teeth and he has just about the greatest british accent since Christian Bale fauxed one for Empire of the Sun (ilovethatmoviewithmouth).
ANYWAY.
it was good.
mia farrow's in it and like always, she reminds you why she is the most lovable
of lovables and that Woody Allen is a pedocretin. how she does this by just
saying her lines is beyond me; it surpassed modern understanding. just accept
it.
the Minimoys are voiced by an all star cast: Robert DeNiro, Harvey Keitel, Jimmy Fallon, Chaz Palminteri, Emilio Estevez and *dun dun dunnnnnnnn* Madonna, whose presence, i figured, would have shit-caked the whole thing and outright doomed this movie to the Film Graveyard. but she's good in it. yeah, i said it. she's good. maybe that skanktress should stick to the voice acting rather than showcasing her less than stellar, quite-possibly-more-wooden-than-Ben-Affleck talents on the screen. everybody wins.
then we started to watch Alice in Wonderland but i was more than slightly offended by the stereotypical irish gardeners. who'da thunk an irishman could do a horrible impersonation of an irish accent? not me, that's who. what's worse is that the one guy who did an okay job of it, was italian. but damn if tina marjorino didn't grow up nice.
that's all the bitchery i can spew for now. i'm going to go smoke until my head explodes.
so. Mimzy. mimzy mimzy mimzy.
i can't say that it was a bad movie because it wasn't. the things that happen in the movie are very cool. the graphics are cool. the story itself is cool albeit a little preachy. it has a high creep out factor for a movie that was marketed toward kids. in fact, at the end of the movie Lexi threw herself on my lap and started to cry that she missed grammie. the little girl in it is just a smidge too cutesy. the little boy needs a spanking. the parents were realistic. the government was not. the teacher and his fiancee were a nice touch but some explanation of their part was needed. the rabbit and the toys were rad.
it felt like a kid version of Donnie Darko. you know how Darko is disturbing but beautiful? it's like that only, it's like the director didn't want the whole movie to feel like that so he infused it with cutesy kid-talk and close ups of that little girl's cupid bow mouth.
and it drags. this flick has the pace of cold molasses down a slight hill. you feel every damn minute of it. but like i said, it wasn't bad. i didn't like it as much as i wanted to (and i really, really wanted to) but i probably wouldn't have paid money to own it. it's a good cable flick for a rainy weekend or a one you DVR from a movie channel to let the kids watch while you fold laundry or something.
on a side note; neil gaiman's Stardust will be coming out this year and the cast of that flick is suprahella impressive. i'm talking deNiro, clare danes, ian mckellan, michelle pfeiffer, rupert everett, sienna miller, peter o'toole, ricky gervais, mark williams (he plays arthur weasley in the HP movies).
damn. i was trying to read up on stardust but i got sidetracked by zac efron because his face has been bugging me for weeks. i've been walking around mumbling, "where do i know that kid from, goddamn it!" (he played young Simon on Firefly), "why do you haunt me, you little disney-whoring shit!" i finally figured out that his face reminds me of Caleb (who is not, incidentally, a disney-whoring shit).
what's that title have to do with this entry? nothing. in fact, 99% of my titles have absolutely nothing to do with the entry they're attached to; i just like they way they sound. lil tidbit of somewhat delusive information for you folks.
i woke up this morning with david bowie's Fame playing in my head and quotes from the movie Erin Brockovich falling out of my mouth. i don't know.
msn.weather.com said that it was going to be 82 degrees today and partly sunny. then it went on to say that the rest of the week would be in the mid-to-upper 70s. well. maybe this is 82 degrees --ON MARS. wtf. it's actually 96 and tomorrow is due to be 99. i want the crack that website is smoking. srsly.
i watched a plethora of films this weekend with a paucity of suckage. Thank You for Smoking is fantastic. whether you like smoking or not, you should see that movie just because Aaron Eckhardt uses his mouth prettier than a $50 whore. it's a clever movie. I also watched The Caveman's Valentine with Sam L., directed by one of my faves Kasi Lemmons. it had a creepy se7en feel to it. Sam L. acted his ass off. and i re-watched Taxi Driver because it's classic. i also crammed like 34294872 Discovery shows about egypt into my head for obvious reasons. tonight we'll be watching The Last Mimzy. lexi got it for her birthday from aaron's parents and i've been dying to see it for the last.... um. well since here.
here's the transformation sound: http://www.divshare.com/download/4123935-281
that's the original one. if i can find (unfortunately i already know that i will try) the one they use in the movie, i'll edit this and post it here.
here it is: http://www.divshare.com/download/4123966-11f
not that i think you guys will like cream yourselves listening to this shit. i'm just obsessive like that.
i am the biggest dork.
so. Transformers. yeah. saw it on saturday. it was the motherfucking shizzney. in fact, if i can scrounge together another seven bucks, imma see it again. because it's that good. i could sit here and write out one of those article/essay deals i tend to do about these types of movies but srsly, my heart ain't in it right now. so. here's a quicky wrap up with no spoilers:
Shia LeBeouf: spastic fantastic.
the hot dark haired chick: hot but too sweaty and for some reason she didn't get cool until the make up people stopped lacquering her with lip gloss.
military peeps: bad asses with the hotness. josh duhamel put on his best Timothy Olyphant face for this one.
hacker extraordinaires:
unnecessary, even the cute blond chick. they would have done better to
put some clothes on that girl, it would have been more believable.
animation: O.M.F.G. ILM is god's paintbrush. i'm talking SEAMLESS cgi. it was beautiful.
Autobots: Transformations-*supersonic squeal* if you watched Transformers as a kid you will not be disappointed. they did it all
right. all of it. down to the last detail of Jazz's little breakdance
move when he transforms. i think i might be in love with Peter Cullen's
voice. also, they updated the way they talk but not who they are, which
is fucking cool and very smart. they were witty and spoke in
contemporary vernacular that didn't seem forced or pretentious. of
course, everyone was upset about Bumblebee not being a VW Bug but they
poke fun at that in the movie and the camaro thing worked out. as did
Optimus being a Peterbilt and Jazz being a Solstice. in the end, which
cars they were didn't really matter all that much cuz you just wanted
to watch them transform into robots again anyways.
Decepticons:
the badassery runs rampant here even though you don't get to see very
much of them. Megatron is voiced by Hugo Weaving and is a fiend and
it's lovely. that's the only thing they fucked up though. they could
have done the the helmet head but they didn't. they went with a Predator look
instead. Starscream doesn't get enough camera time but they do show
what a badass he is. they misnamed Brawl "Devastator" (which was
actually what the Constructicons were called when they merged into a
superbot). and Soundwave was notoriously lacking but at least they got
Frenzy in there. Rumble would have been the shit though.
The Sound:
if you watched the cartoon then you know what Sound i'm talking about.
it was allllmost right. almost. it started off right and then it went
sort of left field at the end. instead of WEE-WOO-WOO-WEE-WEEEK. it
went WEE-WOO-WOOP-WAAAahh-wahhhh.
Plot: a wee bit confusing
at times but the point of it came through. for some reason they decided
to call the matrix "the all spark". there are some rushed moments at
the end where most people realize this shit just wouldn't go down like
that, but giant alien robots, *shrug* what are you gonna do.
Soundtrack:
well here's another movie that breaks my theory of bad movie=good
soundtrack (the only other film is The Crow). there's some oldies but
goodies in there and some new Disturbed, Smashing Pumpkins, Linkin
Park, The Used.. oh hell, here, go download it.
on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 being like, Elektra; 10 being, i don't know, Spiderman) i'd give Transformers an 9.75 easy. see it in the theater, you won't be sorry.
time for lunch.
here's the thing: i am all about this blog ...when i remember that it exists.
i keep forgetting to write about the hotness that is Bear Grylls. i watched Man vs. Wild all weekend. that guy is all Man. he's got a sexy ass british accent and he looks like Christian Bale, which is always a plus in my book. he's not afraid of freaking anything. he's in the desert of utah, burning up, and he's like "some natives would have wet down their head scarves by peeing on them." and he whips it out and pees on his head scarf/t-shirt. the camera man was like "WTF." and barely moves in time so that the audience doesn't get an eyeful of what he pleases his wife with. not that i would have minded. (remember: bear grylls = OMG HAWTNESS GODDAMN.) and he's always saying "you should never do this thing and that thing, let me show you." and then HE-FREAKING-DOES-IT. and THEN he shows you how to get out of it. he's like "when you're eating ants be sure to eat them with the head facing away from your tongue because they'll bite on and not let go. see." and then he lets this HUGE fire ant bite on his tongue. *drool* he just puts any old thing in his mouth. he's just chomping up snakes and frogs and turtles and rabbits and grubs and worms and leaves and HE DRANK ELEPHANT DUNG. and then he's like "sink holes just suck you in deeper the more you struggle to get out. like this." and he jumps into this muddy sink hole up to his chest. and they choppered him in to the swiss alps and just freaking left him there and he's all snow covered and shit so he STRIPS and wanders around in his boxer briefs until his clothes dry. this guy is built like adonis, the hotness is unbearable god christ it.
here. have some photos cuz i get the feeling you all don't believe me about the crazy-good hotness.
http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h21/pistolpete72/bear_grylls_in_jungle.jpg
http://www.translucence.org/archives/bear_grylls_main2.gif
http://www.f4group.co.uk/images/bear_grylls.jpg
http://images.43things.com/profile/325699s160.jpg
http://www.beargrylls.com/images/bear_grylls_dinner.jpg
http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/manvswild/bio/gallery/bio175.jpg
http://content.tvguide.com/NR/rdonlyres/07E10EEB-AC40-4B52-BAFF-36AA7950F7BA/14603/061222interview2.jpg
http://img.verycd.com/posts/0701/post-433743-1168177655.jpg
http://www.manvswild.com/images/bear-grylls-picture.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dioAXVkdgO4&mode=related&search= (if you have a soft stomach, don't watch this.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRKpnkX99z0&mode=related&search= (i want to watch him do this in my bed. :-| seriously.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7LeZZ5WZF0 (OHMYGOD)
*has a heart attack, can't take no more*
